I do not reply to personal asks there. But I know you read this blog based on your message, so I’m briefly going to do so here.
I just wanted to let you know that I honestly accept your apology, whoever you are. A few things upset me about your first message, and I wanted to tell you what they were, in hopes that I can fix them.
- I’m sad that you still think that who I was and how I acted at fifteen, is who I am today. A lot of kids I went to high school with (circa Sophomore year) seem to be under the impression that I am still that girl struggling to find her place. If you were close friends with me now — and I know now that based on your response you are obviously not — you wouldn’t think these things. I don’t claim to have totally found my place already, but I know I’m close. I’m almost nineteen years old. To say that I have grown up and put my life into perspective since that time is an understatement. I’m so sorry that you think that struggling young braggart that I was is still who I am today. I would genuinely love to spend just an hour with you so I can show you the differences… because if you still think that’s me, then I owe you an apology and a wake-up call!
- How many times will have to say it? I don’t think I’m perfect or a “goddess” as you put it. Any superiority I seem to have was vastly a thing fifteen year old me did… but I would be lying if I said that I don’t still struggle with it sometimes. My intelligence can harm me more than help me. I have a whole lot of knowledge (thanks books) — some completely pointless facts and some really useful — and I spew it out without a filter frequently. This annoys some people and comes across as superiority. I just have a tendency to correct and inform. I don’t mean it negatively at all — quite the opposite! But I would be lying again if I didn’t say this: Of course, sometimes in conversation and life I just tend to get superior. There’s no way around it. It’s not one of my better traits, but it’s something I work on. I’m not perfect. I have quirks. I’m sure there are quite a few people (close friends included!) in my life who have a couple (or a lot) of complaints about me. Likewise, there are things I could say about them. THAT’S TOTALLY NORMAL. And when you care about somebody, you look past it. We all have things we can work on and improve, and I’m no different.
I’ll end with this: A friend told me tonight, “The only thing that matters is that YOU know who YOU are.” She is absolutely right. I don’t need to explain myself to you to know that I am satisfied with the woman I am — however imperfect — and even the woman I will become. I did it for your sake. I’m proud of myself and think I am a person of value. I love myself and believe in my capabilities. I wish all the time that more people thought this way. Contrary to popular belief, THAT’S NOT WRONG! There is nothing wrong with me because I just said that. That doesn’t make me stuck up or bitchy. That’s how we’re supposed to be! It’s society that has convinced us that being confident automatically means conceit, and that something is wrong with you if you aren’t fishing for compliments or seeking improvement of outward appearance. I could go on and on about how f***ed up societies views are… but I hope that you and everybody else tries not to live up to them. As cliche as the saying is, it’s full of truth: Be who you are TO YOUR CORE. Don’t hold back. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Live how you want to, not to please others. It’s the key to happiness.
Anyway, anon… I hope that cleared things up. And my offer to meet up still stands — I’m not an angry-oriented person, so I won’t be angry with you. Promise.